"Miracle Clutches"
AWhimsical Tale …
I knew Jessica couldn’t have a “magical purse” because every single time she performed a miracle over the years she was always holding a different clutch. Forget that no one has better taste or style for choosing purses, which, by the way, is no small compliment. I’m trying to tell you my friend has something even more profound going on. I’ve personally witnessed Jessica draw on her magical clutches to save my love life, save another man’s life, and even save her marriage.
The first time Jessica pulled one of her clutch miracles was when we first met at a party about ten years ago. Jessica looked beautiful in her Versace dress, but it was her purse that first caught my eye. It was an ornate poodle clutch from Judith Leiber. The exterior of the purse sparkled with a beautiful array of Swarovski black, grey, white and periwinkle crystals! I told her how much I loved her bag and we ended up talking for hours.
Eventually, I told her why I was at the party that night. It was an opportunity to be around a single guy named Brad, who had recently joined our firm. I pointed him out to Jessica and she also thought he looked gorgeous. But then I told her we had been working together for six months and he hadn’t once made a move to ask me out. That’s when Jessica turned to her clutch. “I’ve been saving this for the perfect occasion. You need to get a plate of food and go up and start talking to him. But make sure this is on your plate.” Then, like a magician, she reached into her purse and pulled out a wrapped fortune cookie. Jessica removed the wrapper and said, “Offer it to him, but of course make sure he reads the fortune.”
So I did exactly what she instructed. Brad and I chatted for a bit, but even before I could offer him my cookie he playfully snatched it from my plate. After crunching into the shell, he extracted the slip of paper and read the fortune. Brad suddenly looked at me with the biggest smile.
That gorgeous guy is now my husband! The fortune in the cookie, which Jessica had pulled from her clutch, read: “Your soul mate is standing right in front of you.”
Then there was the time Jessica and I went to the theatre together. The play wasn’t very good, so it took a few moments for us to realize that one of the audience members, who we thought had just fallen asleep…was actually having a heart attack. After the stricken man was pulled from his seat and laid into the center aisle, another audience member, who was also a doctor, started to perform CPR. That’s when Jessica reached into her white Maltese clutch. The purse was not only shaped like a puppy, but the silver metal case was embedded with glittering crystals.
From the luxuriously leather-lined interior she pulled out… a portable defibrillator. The physician snatched it from her hand and immediately attached the pads to the man’s chest. It took two jolts of electricity from the device, but the doctor was able to get the man’s heart going again. Jessica now gets a beautiful card from this man every year on the anniversary of her miraculous intervention!
From the luxuriously leather-lined interior she pulled out… a portable defibrillator. The physician snatched it from her hand and immediately attached the pads to the man’s chest. It took two jolts of electricity from the device, but the doctor was able to get the man’s heart going again. Jessica now gets a beautiful card from this man every year on the anniversary of her miraculous intervention!
Through all the years I’ve known her, only once have I witnessed Jessica using one of her magical clutches to help herself. It happened one night when Brad and I went with Jessica and her husband to a ritzy charity ball. Jessica looked as beautiful as ever, but of course her clutch was to die for. It was a Judith Leiber crystal patterned purse in the shape of a seal. I never suspected that, inside the bag’s plush gold metallic lambskin interior, which was divided into two sections by gold hardware, was something that would save her marriage.
During the party Jessica suddenly excused herself because she wanted to reconnect with a handsome man she recognized from years ago. After some time went by, I realized Jessica had been gone for a while and went to chase her down. I discovered my friend in an isolated section of the mansion, locked in a kiss with her old acquaintance. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only witness to this moment of indiscretion. Standing nearby, observing the passionate interlude, was Jessica’s husband.
Upon seeing her husband, Jessica broke from her embrace. She marched right over to him and stood there for several long moments without uttering a word of apology or excuse. Jessica then opened her beautiful seal clutch and withdrew… a yellow card. Jessica handed the card to her husband. After reading the yellow card, he simply nodded, then held his hand out to his wife. Jessica gave it to him and they walked hand in hand out of the party.
The next morning I pestered Jessica for details, but at first she didn’t want to talk about it. Only after some serious begging on my part did my friend finally spill the details of the previous evening.
After her husband witnessed her passionate kiss with another man, Jessica had no other choice but to reach into her magical clutch. “I had been hoping to hold onto the card for another occasion, but what happened…happened. It was a Monopoly game ‘get out of jail free’ card. My husband is the East Coast Monopoly tournament champion for three years running,” she explained. “If he didn’t accept the card, he knew it would be disrespecting the game. He really had no choice.”
I hope Jessica doesn’t mind me telling these stories. I just couldn’t hold these secrets to myself any longer. Besides, everyone needs to know the truth -- the perfect clutch in the hands of a woman like Jessica can change lives and perhaps solve the problems of humankind.
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